Ever since I was a small child I was always a bit on the paranoid side. Before I went to bed every night I used to ask my parents a list of questions and concerns I had before falling asleep including but not limited to; is someone going to break into the house? is the house going to catch on fire? is a plane going to crash into my bedroom? is my American Girl doll going to come to life in the middle of the night and murder me? .. How my parents didn’t check me into an institution back then will forever baffle me.
Years later not much has changed (I still might sleep with the lights on *cough*) and I’m paranoid as fuck. Whatever the situation, my mind will immediately think up these insane predicaments that may occur and if I were to speak them aloud, people may start sizing me up for a strait jacket.
This happens especially when I’m flying anywhere. Now, I’ve been traveling since the age of three so why all of a sudden my anxiety goes through the roof whenever I step into an airport is beyond me. However, it usually doesn’t begin until I reach the boarding gate. I then become an extremely Judgy Jason about everyone who looks like they will be on my flight.
Now, like Michael Jackson said - “it don’t matter if you’re black or white” so I don’t size up by race/color/whathaveyou - I only judge you on a scale of innocent as a baby lamb -> being SUPER shady. My formula for what qualifies as shady in my mystifying mind is not capable of being put into words - but I’m sure anyone who travels often can’t deny doing this once in awhile. I just happen to do it every time. And goddamnit do I hate when people travel alone - at that point you’re just telling me you have nothing to lose and you might stab someone in the jugular with a pair of tweezers … or you might just be on a business trip. I’m not hanging around long enough to find out.
There have definitely been times where I’ve considered changing my flight, but that is pretty costly these days. There have also been other times where I have considered asking one of these shady person or persons if they plan on doing anything particularly dangerous whilst on the plane - but then I think hmmmm .. won’t that be awkward at the baggage claim? “Oh hey there, sooooo glad you didn’t try to murder us all, have a great vacation!” Nah, I like to keep my outward appearance cool as a cucumber.
All in all it’s exhausting, and sometimes it doesn’t even stop at the airport. Usually we have some sort of driver for the trip from the terminal to the hotel and even then my lunacy doesn’t rest. I’ll be like - what if this cab driver killed the REAL cab driver in a plot to lure some unsuspecting tourists into his trap and sell us all on the black market! - Yup, total normalcy right there.
I’m sure I’m not alone in these feelings, maybe not to this extremity but there’s got to be like a SUPER PARANOID TRAVELERS ANONYMOUS out there. If you have these worries, do yourself a favor and take a Xanax or have a shit ton of Tequila shots before boarding, this way you will be in a happy little daze the entire flight. And if not for your yourself, do it for your fellow travelers who I’m sure don’t want some deranged lunatic ruining their trip.